A Snow Covered Story

I am pretty sure that this blog has no actual direction anymore beyond just my ramblings.  Maybe one day I will refocus it on food writing, or on fiction writing, or on theatre life, or on living in NYC, or on fat activism and HAES, and I will try to build a real audience and be one of those fancy pants bloggers everyone loves, but for right now it is just simply my voice for whatever it needs to be and whatever is on my mind.  I AM the Shakespearean Tomato – hear me roar! (or squish, as it were)

This weekend I took my first little baby steps back out as a writer.  I bundled myself up in the snow and I trudged my inherently lazy self down to the coffee shop during the snow with my notebook and my laptop and committed to just putting words on paper with no judgment or excessive editing allowed.  I just wanted to take my observant eyes and my imagination and let the words flow without worrying about any sort of focus or assignment.  After about 2 hours at the coffee shop, the hard wooden benches were severely hampering both my creativity and my ability to remain sitting, so I rewrapped myself in my multiple layers of (not quite snow proof) clothing and braved about a mile walk in the blowing downfall to my neighborhood bar to keep up the writing and add in a bit more warmth and conversation.

Throughout the afternoon and evening I ended up writing about 4-5 pieces ranging in length from a 1 paragraph observation to a 6 page short story based on a prompt idea.  So far only one piece has made the transition from my notebook to my computer, and I am still deciding exactly how I want to handle that.  Do I want to type everything so I have it in an easy to access, read and edit place?  Or do I want to leave it in the notebook and only transfer what I think has merit?  I am not sure yet.  Both ideas have merit, and I think I will probably value these little character studies and scene prompts when I get to the point of wanting to expand that into something more tangible.  But for the time being I would prefer to focus on the writing process and not push the final product.  That’s the other reason I like writing long hand rather than typing, is because I can just let the words flow and not have to reread them in a legible manner in the moment and feel that pressure to edit and rewrite until it sounds just the way I want it.  There is always time for that later, when I am just starting I need to just let the words emerge and then shape them at a future point.

One of my concerns or hurdles I know I am going to face when expanding my observation writing into something more substantial, is really dealing with plot and dialogue and turning a vague concept into an interesting story.  My roommate made an interesting suggestion, which was to just write all these observation pieces and then tack them up on the walls and when I reach a point where I feel like I have enough, take string and start tying them together.  See which ones could be combined to create new characters, see which ones have promising starts and could be expanded, find a through line and a theme and then make a first book of just individual stories that have some sort of common grounds.  Kind of like the Love Actually of books!  I am sure there are plenty of those types of books out there, but it is certainly an appealing concept to start from.  Perhaps it would also be the start I need to find the story and the characters that could become a real novel even.  Well…one step at a time!

Just to share – here is a little bit I wrote on Saturday; a single paragraph that began from an observation while sitting at the bar.  It is the shortest bit I wrote this weekend, but I think it is a good example of my style and writer’s voice.  It’s completely raw and unedited, but it made me happy when I read it that it came from my pen and made me feel like I might have the talent to begin this journey (wherever it may take me):

She stood at the bar, one hand splayed on the counter, every inch of her soul desperately wishing to be anywhere but there.  She tapped the credit card in her hand against the cheap plywood that had been repainted two too many times in a combination of meaningless morse code and random musicality.  This would be a quiet night.  The snow would inspire people to stay home, order Chinese delivery, and fuck to stave off the cold and boredom.  In nine months there would be a minor bump at the area maternity wards.  In thirty years the screwed up kids of their good enough parents would tell their shrinks that they were conceived during a December snow storm that wasn’t big enough to merit a fancy name like “Blizzard Tuwanda” but enough that their mother and father tried to save their failing marriage with a night of false passion and failed birth control.  

Caramel Apple Weekend

Dolly Parton knows what's up

Dolly Parton has her Hard Candy Christmas, I have my Caramel Apple Weekend…it’s kind of the same thing except with less singing and dancing prostitutes.  So actually, it’s not the same thing at all.  But I still think I deserve a song!

This was a whirlwind of a weekend!  So first off, how did the Herbalife go?  Well, I would say mixed (or shaken, as it were).  Honestly, I only had 1 shake all weekend and didn’t take any of my pills…whoops!  Friday night I cooked dinner for a friend, shwarma seasoned chicken, homemade faluffins (falafels baked in a mini muffin tin…delicious and adorable!), green beans, hummus and pita bread.  So then Saturday morning there was one little chicken thigh left and that became breakfast.  I did end up with a shake for lunch, which worked better than I thought.  Honestly I got really hungry, still had to round up laundry, do dishes, go shopping, all this weekender stuff and nonsense and just started worrying about what I could throw together with what I had around without even thinking about the shakes, and when I did think about them I figured I was way to hungry for a shake to be satisfying.  But I caved (mostly because I had nothing easy to make or clean to make it in) and made myself a peach cobbler Shakey Shake, drank it while I was doing stuff around the house, and it was delicious and astonishingly filled me up until dinner!  I know, I know…I was skeptical, but it worked out and so it will make it that much easier to keep transitioning to that mind set going forward.  Of course part of the thing with weekends is that I really don’t have a set schedule that makes “breakfast/lunch/dinner/snacks” a thing like it is on the weekdays.  If I am getting up around 11:30am, I am usually eating around 2pm, then maybe a snack later, but probably not much until dinner time and maybe a snack late night depending on how things go, but a third meal usually doesn’t happen and the chances of me being out are much higher.  Sometimes a shake is going to work in there, sometimes it isn’t.  But I do have the trust in them now that they can be quick, satisfying, and worth it if the other option for lunch at home is a box of mac and cheese or take out once I hit the road. 

***Peach cobbler Shakey Shake recipe – scoop of peach jam, big sprinkle of cinnamon, 2 scoops Vanilla Formula 1, carton of peach yogurt.  YUM!!!  Seriously, the good peach jam I got from the Greek market totally made this!  Tasted just like a big scoop of peach cobbler icecream or something. 

I actually did a lot of cooking this weekend.  My friend Jessica came over Saturday and I made salsa chicken (thin cut chicken breast filets, in pam, smothered in salsa, sprinkled with cheese, baked), roasted broccoli with balsamic/olive oil/Italian cheese/smoked sea salt, wild rice pilaf, and a very burned batch of cornbread mini muffins that we picked the centers out of because what wasn’t toasty was tasty :-P  I normally make cornbread from scratch, but for ease I had just picked up a box of Jiffy mix and a can of creamed corn…mix, bake, don’t burn, enjoy!  I obviously forgot one of those steps, oh well. 

Call them "Rustic" - they are still delicious!

I also made the aforementioned Caramel Apple Tarts of heavenly delight!  They got a little crazy because I didn’t have a top crust and the caramel went EVERYWHERE – oven is going to smell like burning sugar for awhile!  But they were super tasty and I am restraining myself from just sitting down and eating the pan!  Next time there will be more apples and a top crust to contain the caramel-ly goodness, but this was a winner of a dessert.  Recipe?  Ummmmm…make a pie crust, put it in your tart pan of choice, chop up a buttload of apples, sprinkle with cinnamon sugar and lump them into the tart pans, put a glob of caramel in each one, sprinkle with more cinnamon sugar, bake at a hot temperature that seems about right for your oven (375ish for me) for about 30 minutes or until the pie crust looks golden brown.  Cool for as long as you can stand to keep out of them and then DEVOUR!!!!  I know, super scientific, right? This is why I am not a regular baker.

Fry 'em up!! Om nom nom

Sunday night was another cooking adventure.  I had bought a little package with 2 Butterfish at the store because they looked interesting, I have heard some tasty things about Butterfish, and they were only $3.  I see they have the heads on but that’s no biggie.  Of course what I DIDN'T see until I opened the package is that they also were still completely intact and had not been gutted or cleaned!  I had to laugh and think about how many of my friends would have freaked out at this, and instead I grabbed a knife and got into the good squishy stuff and then sent my dad a text thanking him for teaching me how to gut fish and not be squeamish about it when I was a wee youngin’ learning the outdoorsy ways.  Cut a deep X in the side of each of them, rubbed liberally with smoked sea salt, flower pepper and Greek oregano, dusted with whole wheat flour, and pan fried them in a cast iron skillet with searing hot coconut oil.  Took about 5-6 minutes to cook them through then I squeezed a generous half of a lemon on them and HOLY MOTHER OF YUM!!!!!!!!!!!!  Seriously, these little buggers (maybe 5-6 inches long once the heads were off) were so meaty and tasty and crispy and delicious!  I will be buying and cooking these all the times in the world because I am totally in love with them.  Plus, wild caught and small so low on the food chain = low in mercury…such a great and tasty way to get more fish into my regular diet.  Another batch of roasted broccoli, a glass of red wine, a tear jerker fest of catching up on Nashville and Glee it was a perfect Single Girl Sunday.

The Art of Pathetic

Had to deal with a sick doggy this weekend L Poor girl got into something that I can’t figure out and had a sad tummy all weekend (which means she also had a sad mommy who was tired of cleaning up after her because she wouldn’t tell me she needed to go out!!)  but she seems to be back to about 80% today.  Got a haircut for the first time in 12 months…I think he took off about ½ of my hair in bulk, it feels so oddly light now!  The very chic stylist also complimented my hair color and dye job, and since it comes from a $6 bottle of Garnier Fructis and my bathroom and this was a high fashion Aveda salon I felt pretty good about that…haha!  I am also way too excited about a memory foam bathmat I got that makes you feel like you are walking on clouds, and a snazzy double decker drying rack that tucks back into the corner of my TINIEST KITCHEN IN THE WORLD when not in use.  Seriously though guys, this kitchen is ridiculously small…I will share pictures at some point, but I am still learning to work around it and not drop things off my little 2 inches of ledge of prep space on one side of the sink and about 2 feet of counter on the other side.  I need a table or skinny island or something!  This will definitely be my biggest challenge to figure out how to cook well in this little bitty space.  But hey, if My Tiny Paris Kitchen and Mark Bittman can do it, so can I!  

A new haircut and a can-do attitude!

Bacon and Beer...mmmmmm...

So after Day 2 I am still feeling pretty good with this whole Herbalife thing.  Honestly, I have already spent

probably $40-$50 less on food this week than I would have and I don’t feel deprived or hungry at all so far.  Again, I am not being obsessive about what I eat when I’m NOT drinking the shakes, although because I also am focusing on keeping my digestive system happy I am not really eating a ton of junk or anything anyway, but for my main meal I am eating whatever I damn well please because falling back into disordered behaviors and thinking is WAAAAAAAAAY too easy when I start moving towards the “diet” mentality.

Anyway, yesterday was pretty easy.  Blendy shake** for breakfast tropical style with pineapple yogurt, shredded coconut, coconut milk, baby spinach, vanilla Formula 1 and water.  I snacked on some mixed nuts and tea halfway through the morning.  Lunch was a Shakey Shake** with almond butter, raspberry yogurt, coconut milk, chocolate Formula 1 and water plus I got a little cup of chicken soup (which was sadly mostly broth thanks to the noodle and chicken pirates of Au Bon Pain!!  Take your proper ratio of chunks to liquid ya jerks!!) to have something warm, and more nuts and tea in the afternoon.

(* Blendy Shake – includes greens, ice cubes, things that need a blender to combine.  **Shakey Shake – powder, liquid, maybe yogurt…can be mixed up in a shaker cup faster and on the go)

I was meeting up with a friend for dinner in the East Village, but I had about 2 hours to kill, so I walked

around for awhile and just soaked in the energy of a fall evening in the city, and then when I got cold sat down in this funky little indoor Belgian beer garden and had a YUMMY Tripel Karmeliet beer while waiting.  The best part was, because I am not holding any same or restriction around my food I was able to enjoy a beer, a salad, some French onion soup, and a very Greek diner plate of Bolognese and not feel like I had to stuff my face because it was my one food of the day, or restrict excessively because I had to be “good” (and then go home and stuff my face in hunger and frustration).  And because I am only spending money and stomach space on one “meal” a day I also have no issues making it the best and most fulfilling food I can, which is better for my body in the long run too.  Winner winner chicken dinner! (or pasta, as the case may be)

The issue came this morning actually, because I had failed to prep my Blendy Shake last night for breakfast, and I was running short on time and I only have the bottle space right now to make 1 Shakey Shake.  So whatever, if I have to substitute oatmeal and yogurt for one shake my life won’t come crashing down!  I figure it is closest to what a shake would be (and a whole lot cheaper) rather than having the shake for breakfast and going out to lunch.  But getting to work was a bitch and a half – bus was running over 20 minutes late, I got a different bus, which took me to a different train, which dropped me at a station that is twice as far away from work and doesn’t have a bus directly to the hospital.  So even though I raced to get out on time, I was still almost 30 minutes late to work and walked twice as far as normal.  Granted, it is only a mile, but I was cold and grumpy and annoyed and then I caught a whiff of the most beautiful smell in the world…

BACON!!!! 

Oh man, there is just something about the smell of bacon in the morning that is better than any other smell and better than bacon at any other time of day.  I didn't end up going and getting it, but it sure did trigger some happy and envious breakfast thoughts!

So, I am about to head into my first weekend on The Herb(alife) and trying to figure out how I am going to handle it.  I am not really telling anyone that I am doing this just because I don’t want to make it a big deal or have to explain or justify myself, or hear all the “good for you”s that I know would come and I think are wholly unnecessary and obnoxious.  Most likely I will just make good choices, try to choose light for any meals where I am with other people and not able to do a shake, and continue to not stress out over it because honeys…if you aren't enjoying your life (and the food that accompanies it) what’s the point??  Bottoms up boys and girls! Let’s make this weekend another new adventure!