I am homeless right now... Well, that is not accurate. I am without my own permanent residence right now. I am floating between friends and family, vacationing, visiting, couch surfing, living life and just existing without the pressure (or security) of an upcoming contract or rent to pay. It is a surreal feeling knowing that your life exists just for this moment, with no solid plans to come and no commitments other than a 2 week plane ticket to the west coast in your future. Options are limitless, possibilities are limitless, and if allowed to creep in... Fears can also be limitless.
Right now I am sitting on a park bench in Union Square in NYC. The weather, in a word, perfect...Cup of homemade mint lemonade in hand...Imagining all the people also currently luxuriating in this amazing city summer day, people I admire, people I'm friends with, people who will shape my future and I don't even know yet. Thoughts of the future on my mind (while thoughts of my dwindling savings account keep trying to creep in and I chase them away, plenty of time for that later!) What is it about this city that gives people tacit permission to be so fully themselves? Is it just because there is so much going on that even if you are unique you can take comfort that you are definitely not going to be the only one? I also know something else deep in my soul - I've spent 12 years trying to get here, I don't want to leave it behind now!
I moved out of the Pacific NW in 2001, drove across the country to Rutgers University with the idea that, "NJ is almost like New York! All I have to do is be here a couple years and then I will be in NYC in no time." Anyone from New York OR NJ will be more than happy to tell you that they are definitely not almost alike, and I never did make it to NYC. I made it to Philly, North Carolina, Virginia, Indiana, and Orlando, but never to NYC for longer than an evening. I definitely never experienced it as a resident like I have in the past week.
Now I'm called to finally realize my dream and become a part of this amazing place - The cultural capital of the United States, the seat of theatre and music and activity... It hums all night and seethes all say and I feel my cells vibrating at a higher frequency just from being here. Everything else has been a substitute, a way of trying to bring a piece of NYC living to wherever I was at the time, and I never even knew it until now. I have spent the last 3 years building a community of artistic friends and chosen family, they all keep congregating in New York - it's time for me to come home!