Own Your Beauty!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Live Blogging The Biggest Loser Season Premier

8:05 Haven’t watched Biggest Loser in years, giving it a try tonight since I am starting the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred tomorrow.  Already have tears in my eyes…damn tv editors love to wring every drop of emotion out of you don’t they!

8:11 AND the predictable commercials of the same BL sponsors begin…water bottles, gum, turkey, jello, yogurt…any others I missed? 

8:13 Is it just me or does the new Extra Gum dessert flavors like key lime pie remind anyone of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? “Violet!  You’re turning Violet!”  If I eat this gum will I turn green and you can then use me to chase tequila shots?

8:18 I think my mom would rather die than ever consider doing Biggest Loser with me.  Then again, I would probably die before being in tv in a sports bra and bike shorts.

8:20 I forgot how much I hate the way they cut to commercials in this show “THE WORST SCARIEST MOST AWFUL THING EVER……….after these messages” *cue Jillian looking like she wants to puke and Bob looking like he wants to cry*

8:25 Don’t be nice Jillian!  Don’t be encouraging!  Kick his ass!  That’s why we love you, leave the happy time to Bob!

8:27 Why do some people get to do scale soliloquies and other get nothing but a number and a creepy fade into the next person?  Hardly seems fair. 

8:29 Seriously?  His son is disowning him because he is fat? There is either something else going on there or he raised his son to be a crazy selfish bastard.

8:36 Jillian has some crazy bling going on tonight…seriously, her giant shiny cross is going to blind me if the light hits it right

8:38 RAINBOW TREADMILLS!!!  WANT!!!  They are magically delicious Smile with tongue out

8:39 New trainers wha?????  I think they were dropped off in their spaceship…they really should have had Richard Dreyfus there to greet them.

8:42 “9 to 5 the stage musical”…are there any new ideas out there or are we doomed to nothing but musical remakes of 30 year old movies on Broadway from now on?

8:44 HA!  They have to bribe people to go with the new trainers by giving them a month of immunity.  Sucks to be the new trainers.  It’s like being the kid with taped glasses picked last for dodgeball (not that I know what that is like…nope…not at all)

8:48 If I work out in the morning before class with Jillian’s video and primal scream like that at 7am will my roommate hate me?  Probably…damn

8:51 Seriously, as one extremely well endowed lady to another, get those women a real sports bra!!  There is WAY too much swayage going on there…from experience, it hurts…help the girls out BL

8:54 “Hi, I’m Ben Affleck.  I’m here to talk to you about hunger, but I am so important and movie starish that I have to check my cell phone for the first 5 seconds of this commercial.  Don’t you wish you were famous like me?”

9:04 So pretty much all the commercials are for weight loss, drugs or food.  Way to throw as many mixed messages at your audience as possible advertisers!  “Work out!  If that doesn’t work go eat crappy food at Chili’s…then when your arteries are clogged, take these drugs with a list of side effects a mile long.  We’ve got it ALL covered!”

9:08 Every time they say “Aqua Team” I keep thinking they are saying “Aqua Teen” as in Aqua Teen Hunger Force and I want Master Shake to burst through the wall like the Kool Aid pitcher.  Yeah, my thoughts are getting weirder the further into this show we get.

9:10 “Every time you bitch and moan it just makes me hungry for your blood!” I heart you Jillian

9:13 Yeah, because fainting and puking and falling off treadmills makes me think getting healthy!! 

9:17 Why won’t they show us the new trainers faces??  Are they horribly disfigured like Phantom of the Opera or something?  I have a feeling the big reveal is going to be a big let down.

9:22 “This group behind me…is very unfit” Gee, thanks for those deep words of wisdom Bob!  I dub thee Admiral Obvious!

9:29 I would have enjoyed them pushing the pickup truck more if they had the inspirational band playing the song from the back of the truck.  Live truck pushing music…BL has the money!

9:34 I think it is really unfair that the Alison Sweeny gets to wear all these super cute clothes while the contestants have to hang out in their non supportive sports bras.  I would totally show up in the sports bra AND the awesome red leather jacket!

9:35 41 LBS IN ONE WEEK????  WTF???  These people HAD to water load like crazy before their first weigh in to make that possible.  Either that or overnight liposuction when the camera crews were asleep.

9:38 This is why I stopped watching BL…the drama and disappointment and overwhelming sense of failure for ONLY losing 7 lbs.  The lack of realism at these weigh ins is just what always frustrated me.

9:50 Yawn…this is the part where I just get bored and find myself surfing the net.  Yeah yeah yeah, someone is going home, drama drama boo hoo.  Just get on with it.

9:54 If I were at the BL ranch you would never get me out of that freaking amazing pool! 

9:59 Well that was alright.  I am really disappointed that they only provided disembodied voices and outer space lights for the new trainers.  Maybe they are robots.  We won’t know!!  Next week?  Maybe…we will see.