Bacon and Beer...mmmmmm...

So after Day 2 I am still feeling pretty good with this whole Herbalife thing.  Honestly, I have already spent

probably $40-$50 less on food this week than I would have and I don’t feel deprived or hungry at all so far.  Again, I am not being obsessive about what I eat when I’m NOT drinking the shakes, although because I also am focusing on keeping my digestive system happy I am not really eating a ton of junk or anything anyway, but for my main meal I am eating whatever I damn well please because falling back into disordered behaviors and thinking is WAAAAAAAAAY too easy when I start moving towards the “diet” mentality.

Anyway, yesterday was pretty easy.  Blendy shake** for breakfast tropical style with pineapple yogurt, shredded coconut, coconut milk, baby spinach, vanilla Formula 1 and water.  I snacked on some mixed nuts and tea halfway through the morning.  Lunch was a Shakey Shake** with almond butter, raspberry yogurt, coconut milk, chocolate Formula 1 and water plus I got a little cup of chicken soup (which was sadly mostly broth thanks to the noodle and chicken pirates of Au Bon Pain!!  Take your proper ratio of chunks to liquid ya jerks!!) to have something warm, and more nuts and tea in the afternoon.

(* Blendy Shake – includes greens, ice cubes, things that need a blender to combine.  **Shakey Shake – powder, liquid, maybe yogurt…can be mixed up in a shaker cup faster and on the go)

I was meeting up with a friend for dinner in the East Village, but I had about 2 hours to kill, so I walked

around for awhile and just soaked in the energy of a fall evening in the city, and then when I got cold sat down in this funky little indoor Belgian beer garden and had a YUMMY Tripel Karmeliet beer while waiting.  The best part was, because I am not holding any same or restriction around my food I was able to enjoy a beer, a salad, some French onion soup, and a very Greek diner plate of Bolognese and not feel like I had to stuff my face because it was my one food of the day, or restrict excessively because I had to be “good” (and then go home and stuff my face in hunger and frustration).  And because I am only spending money and stomach space on one “meal” a day I also have no issues making it the best and most fulfilling food I can, which is better for my body in the long run too.  Winner winner chicken dinner! (or pasta, as the case may be)

The issue came this morning actually, because I had failed to prep my Blendy Shake last night for breakfast, and I was running short on time and I only have the bottle space right now to make 1 Shakey Shake.  So whatever, if I have to substitute oatmeal and yogurt for one shake my life won’t come crashing down!  I figure it is closest to what a shake would be (and a whole lot cheaper) rather than having the shake for breakfast and going out to lunch.  But getting to work was a bitch and a half – bus was running over 20 minutes late, I got a different bus, which took me to a different train, which dropped me at a station that is twice as far away from work and doesn’t have a bus directly to the hospital.  So even though I raced to get out on time, I was still almost 30 minutes late to work and walked twice as far as normal.  Granted, it is only a mile, but I was cold and grumpy and annoyed and then I caught a whiff of the most beautiful smell in the world…

BACON!!!! 

Oh man, there is just something about the smell of bacon in the morning that is better than any other smell and better than bacon at any other time of day.  I didn't end up going and getting it, but it sure did trigger some happy and envious breakfast thoughts!

So, I am about to head into my first weekend on The Herb(alife) and trying to figure out how I am going to handle it.  I am not really telling anyone that I am doing this just because I don’t want to make it a big deal or have to explain or justify myself, or hear all the “good for you”s that I know would come and I think are wholly unnecessary and obnoxious.  Most likely I will just make good choices, try to choose light for any meals where I am with other people and not able to do a shake, and continue to not stress out over it because honeys…if you aren't enjoying your life (and the food that accompanies it) what’s the point??  Bottoms up boys and girls! Let’s make this weekend another new adventure!

Attack of the Turkey Sandwich that ate Manhattan!!!!

So here is a snapshot of my day yesterday with the Herbalife and the theatre and such:

Woke up at 7:45am – 15 minutes to get ready and get out the door for work…I had pre-prepped my shake so all I had to do was add water and blend and get on the road. 

Shake Recipe: mango yogurt, peach jam, egg, baby spinach, cinnamon, Vanilla Formula 1 Powder

Verdict: Pretty yum, but very sweet…would probably reduce the amount of peach jam

Snack at 11am – handful of mixed nuts as my tummy was getting rumbly before Lunch.  Also had a cup of the Herbalife instant tea in here at some point.  Definitely satisfying and wasn’t crazy starving or anything at any point

Lunch 1pm – Turkey sandwich, macaroni salad, cranberry sauce…finished about ¾ of the sandwich and the monster got the better of me!  I am glad I didn’t cave to my urge to also get soup…Those sandwiches are a city of meat unto themselves!

Snack at 4pm – more mixed nuts, more tea.  Honestly wasn’t terribly hungry, just wanted something munchy

Dinner at 6:30pm – Shake on my way to the theatre, also took an aloe juice to the theatre and sipped on it throughout the evening.  I like nomming on the little bits of aloe leaf, feels like a natural bubble tea!

Shake Recipe: Banana yogurt, pumpkin, egg, spinach, cinnamon, 3 dates (for natural sweetness), handful of chocolate chips, Chocolate Formula 1 powder

Verdict: Very tasty, but the chocolate chips didn’t blend well and ended up clumping and blocking the straw L probably wouldn’t use them again. 

Snacks at 11pm and 3am – so I was at the theatre for callbacks and casting discussions until after 2am, and needless to say my little shake had worn offity off!  Fortunately I brought some cheese sticks with me to the theatre, so I ate 2 cheddar cheese sticks then and made myself 2 cheese quesadillas with salsa on corn tortillas when I got home.  Probably too much cheese, should get myself some mixed nuts or fruit for home so I can have more balanced snacks like I do at work.  The sensitive lotus flower that is my stupid stomach wasn’t thrilled this morning but I don’t know what triggered it since I made so many changes all at once yesterday (Herbalife shakes, pills, aloe juice, metric fuckton of cheese, etc.)

I got home around 2:30am and had my snack, almost fell asleep in the living room, got my lazy butt in the shower, prepped my shake for the morning and got to sleep around 4am.  Do you want to know what is a very sad sight?  The notification from your phone that your alarm is set for 3 hours from that point – it made me want to cry but the life of a temp means losing 20% of my week’s pay because I want to sleep just isn’t the grown up or responsible thing to do.  So what if occasionally when typing an email I end up with a mysterious row of R’s typed across the screen where I dozed off while typing?  Caffeinate…hydrate…crash like a beast tonight.

NYC and Herbalife...unexpected synchronicity!

Ok, so here goes nothing on giving this Herbalife thing a try.  Let me explain…no, there is too much…let me sum up.

1. I finished my degree in North Carolina, worked in professional summer stock in Virginia and Indiana, spent a year in Orlando, FL as a stage management apprentice at Orlando Shakespeare Theater, floated around like a gypsy for a couple of months, and then got the chance of a lifetime to finally move to NYC and I have been here a little over a month now!
   
2. I am now living in Astoria, Queens with my dog, a whole new group of friends, a job as an administrator in a hospital that I love, and Assistant Directing a show at night while trying to figure out just how big of a role theatre is going to play in my life and how to balance it with everything else going on.
3. I have gained weight…a pretty good chunk of weight.  I don’t feel wonderful (although I don’t feel awful either) but all the walking and squeezing through turnstiles and onto small subway and bus and theatre seats has really hit home how much weight I have gained and I don’t like the way it makes my life that much more difficult.
4. I am CRAZY busy! Like, leave the house at 8am return at 7pm, leave again at 7:30pm and return finally at 2am.  I have spent SO MUCH FREAKING MONEY on takeout it makes me shed a little tear at all the lost savings and travel opportunities I have pumped into Seamless in the last month and a half (For those who don’t live in NYC, Seamless is this AMAZING website that you can save your address and credit card info and order from dozens of restaurants in your area with a click of a mouse, including Sushi, Thai, Italian, Indian, Rotisserie Chicken, and Cold Stone Creamery…yeah, I didn't need to know that one).  I can literally count on one hand the number of meals I have cooked in my kitchen since I moved and it isn't good for my sensitive stomach or tender pocketbook.
5. My kitchen is miniature…as in, studio apartment style miniature with not even enough counter space for a drying rack for the dishes - You do them, you dry them, the end!  It also has a smaller sized oven and fridge, and very limited cabinet space so my standard tricks of mass bulk buying and cooking are NOT going to work here.

So with all of these crazy factors in play and a friend who has been talking about Herbalife on Facebook nonstop I decided what the hell…give it a try.  Everyone talks about how expensive it is, but honestly with the amount of money I have been spending on eating out, replacing one or two meals a day with this stuff will probably up my fruit/veggie intake and reduce the amount of money per meal I am spending – both of which are excellent things!  And anything I can prep quickly and fit into my on the go schedule (that doesn't involve tipping the delivery guy) is a plus for me right now.

So I received my package last night and ended up starting it right away, thanks to having to be back out the door in 20 minutes and having no actual food in the house.  I didn't really want to have to get delivery at the theatre, so I grabbed whatever I could in the house and blended it up with the Formula 1 Chocolate Meal Powder and ended up with a yogurt, egg, baby spinach and cinnamon shake.  Conclusion?  Rather tasty!  And surprisingly satisfying…I was at the theatre until 1am and although I brought a snack in case I needed it, I didn't get hungry until I got home at which point I had an apple, cheese stick, and 1 beer while doing post-audition emails and paperwork.  Considering that replaced what otherwise would probably have been Chinese food I would say that is a successful meal swap! 

Also, because I got home so late last night, I knew I was going to be WIPED OUT this morning (which was true…I must be psychic) so I pre-prepped my shake in my to go cup by putting in a carton of yogurt, a spoon of Greek peach jam, an egg, a big handful of spinach, 2 scoops of Vanilla Formula 1 powder, and a good sprinkle of cinnamon and sticking it in the fridge overnight.  So this morning all I had to do was add water and give it 30 seconds worth of spinning with the best stick blender EVER (it’s teal…it works

magic…it even blends greens…Cuisinart, let’s get married!) pop the straw in and I had breakfast to go even if I didn't have time for a shower.  I drank that at 8am while on the bus/train/train/bus to work and drank a mug of the herbal tea mix with some honey and I honestly didn't get hungry until around 11:30am.  At that point I had a handful of mixed nuts to tide me over, and I am going to have my real food meal for lunch – I heard rumors of curry goat over rice in the cafeteria and I am exceedingly excited!  Then tonight I will have another shake in that 20 minutes between arriving home and leaving for the theatre, and take an aloe juice with me to sip on during callbacks.

So basically here is my approach to this whole thing –

• I love myself and I am happy with myself at any size – it has taken a long time to get here, but I am focused on living my life NOW and not waiting for some magical number on a scale or on a clothing tag to give me permission to travel, eat, love, be happy, etc.  This program for me is a combination of wanting to get physically more comfortable while interacting with my environment, saving some money and saving some time in my busy schedule.
• I refuse to suffer or exist in a constant state of deprivation and martyrdom.  If I am hungry I will put food in my face!  If I choose not to do 2 shakes/1 meal one day then I damn well won’t!  I am wanting to make sure I am paying attention to my body cues, so I am not going to just down a shake in addition to a meal (hello pointless waste of money!), but if I am hungry and it is still 2 hours to lunch I will make myself that oatmeal, or eat a handful of nuts, or a piece of fruit.  I will drink my alcohol of choice in moderation (which for me is usually 1-3 craft beers or glasses of wine in a week unless I go out and then that shrinks to “in a night” :-P) and when it is time for my real food meal I am going to eat what I want and not make it all crazy steamed, sauce-on-the-side, no carb, Paleo, weighed portion diet food.  I know how to eat healthy, I make general good choices, and I will continue to do so without making that the focus of my life to the detriment of all other intelligent thought in my brain.  I live in NYC, one of the greatest food city in the world, and I am a consummate foodie and cook.  Food brings me great joy, both the preparation and appreciation of it.  I am not giving that up on the hopes that I might shrink my physical being a bit faster – at what cost to my emotional well being?
• I will focus on how my body feels through this whole process, and make sure to nurture it in the best ways possible.  Eating what I need, but not overdoing it.  Paying attention to my stomach and digestive health, bumping up my fruits and veggies, walking to and from the train more than I catch the bus, trying (trying oh so hard!) to get enough sleep, etc.  Making sure I am physically and emotionally being taken care of, and then also helping to disentangle those feelings of nurturing from being tied to food so that I can appreciate it without letting it ruin me.

That’s about it!  I honestly didn't even weight myself at the beginning of this because I don’t have a scale and don’t want one.  I know what I weighed this summer, and I expect (based on how my clothes fit) that I am slightly less than that now but I don’t have an exact number and it just doesn't matter all that much.  I want to see my clothes get looser and my breathing get less labored, I want to not have to turn sideways to sqeeeeeeeeze through a turnstile at the subway, I want to sit in a theatre seat and not be squished to the point of pain, I want to not choke on my own chest when I lean forward to tie my shoes, I want to be comfortable enough to enjoy fully the life that I am going to continue to live happily regardless!  I also am going to do my damndest to keep this blog on the experience, and anything else that comes to mind, 

A Gypsy's Reflection

I am homeless right now... Well, that is not accurate. I am without my own permanent residence right now. I am floating between friends and family, vacationing, visiting, couch surfing, living life and just existing without the pressure (or security) of an upcoming contract or rent to pay. It is a surreal feeling knowing that your life exists just for this moment, with no solid plans to come and no commitments other than a 2 week plane ticket to the west coast in your future. Options are limitless, possibilities are limitless, and if allowed to creep in... Fears can also be limitless.

Right now I am sitting on a park bench in Union Square in NYC. The weather, in a word, perfect...Cup of homemade mint lemonade in hand...Imagining all the people also currently luxuriating in this amazing city summer day, people I admire, people I'm friends with, people who will shape my future and I don't even know yet. Thoughts of the future on my mind (while thoughts of my dwindling savings account keep trying to creep in and I chase them away, plenty of time for that later!) What is it about this city that gives people tacit permission to be so fully themselves? Is it just because there is so much going on that even if you are unique you can take comfort that you are definitely not going to be the only one? I also know something else deep in my soul - I've spent 12 years trying to get here, I don't want to leave it behind now!

I moved out of the Pacific NW in 2001, drove across the country to Rutgers University with the idea that, "NJ is almost like New York! All I have to do is be here a couple years and then I will be in NYC in no time."  Anyone from New York OR NJ will be more than happy to tell you that they are definitely not almost alike, and I never did make it to NYC. I made it to Philly, North Carolina, Virginia, Indiana, and Orlando, but never to NYC for longer than an evening. I definitely never experienced it as a resident like I have in the past week.

Now I'm called to finally realize my dream and become a part of this amazing place - The cultural capital of the United States, the seat of theatre and music and activity... It hums all night and seethes all say and I feel my cells vibrating at a higher frequency just from being here. Everything else has been a substitute, a way of trying to bring a piece of NYC living to wherever I was at the time, and I never even knew it until now. I have spent the last 3 years building a community of artistic friends and chosen family, they all keep congregating in New York - it's time for me to come home!

My freezer secret...

I have a secret in my freezer...no, it's not a dead body!  It is my soup tub.  See, I hate wasting food but sometimes when I cook a lot for myself I end up with a bit that just isn't enough for a portion but is too much to throw away.  I have forced myself to overeat just to keep from tossing good food, but then I feel lousy and the food really went to waste anyway because I wasn't enjoying it.

A little of this, a little of that...

So now I am taking up a practice that I used to do and fell out of the habit.  I keep a big tupperware tub in my freezer (the biggest one I have right now is about 5 cups) and whenever I just have a bit of something leftover I add it to the tub.  It could be a small piece of chicken that I dice up first, a scoop of greens, the last spoon of beans, some pasta I didn't finish, 1/2 can of green beans...I don't discriminate!  If it tasted good, it goes in.  I also keep a gallon bag with all my veggie trimmings in the freezer, celery tops, onion peels and roots, carrot peels, herb stems.  No broccoli or cabbage or potatoes or anything that will taste bitter, but the rest goes in.

I use the veggie trimmings to supplement the water when I make chicken stock, although if I have a full bag and no chicken bones I have been known to make a small batch of veggie stock as well.

Almost full, will become delicious soup before too long!

For the tub of leftovers, when it gets full I take the whole thing out, dump it in a crockpot with a quart of chicken stock from the freezer, some extra water, maybe some white wine or a bottle of beer (depending on what the main flavors are in the tub that day), possibly an extra bag of frozen soup veggies, a hearty dollop of Herbs de Provence, a good crank of salt and pepper, perhaps a glug of balsamic or rice wine vinegar.  It is extremely free form and based on what made it into the tub!  I let it cook on low for 4-6 hours and when it is done, a delicious leftovers soup.

Serve with a hunk of fresh baked bread and some parmesan grated on top...DELICIOUS!  And made primarily from the odds and ends that otherwise would have ended up in the trash.

Homemade junk food!

So I was watching Biggest Loser - but that show kind of has the opposite effect on me.  I don't watch it and immediately throw away my junk food and head out the door running and crying and expecting to lose 15 lbs a week.  Instead I kind of look at all their temptation and old, "bad" foods and just want them!  Fortunately I also know that stuff makes me really sick, and I am also really broke so I can't afford to be spending my yeast and gas money on fast food right now.  

So instead I did what any respectable college student/undercover housewife would do...I made junk food!!

I was thinking chili cheese fries, a milkshake, and chocolate chip cookies...but based on what I had in the house I had to compromise a bit and I ended up with chili cheese fries, tropical julius and peanut butter cookies :-)

Fries before baking

For the fries I took 3 potatoes and cut them up into little fry size strips, tossed them with olive oil, salt, chili powder, and Trader Joe's Everyday Seasoning and baked for about 15 minutes at 450 deg.

Organic quinoa

For the chili I really had to wing it...the only ground beef I had was frozen and being saved for spaghetti sauce later this month.  So I cooked up some quinoa then added 1/2 bottle of Newcastle (yes, still using that bottle from the chicken!), a can of diced tomatoes, about a cup of black beans, chili powder, cumin, oregano, garlic powder, and salt.  Cooked it all down for about 1/2 hr until it was getting a bit thick...

Chili, ready to be stirred and cooked

Strange thing I did - since I had an open can of diced tomatoes where I would have used crushed tomatoes to get a thicker consistency, after cooking for about 15 minutes I took out my potato masher and mashed the tomatoes up pretty good to try and break them down and make it thicker before cooking for another 15 minutes.  It works for spaghetti sauce, it worked here!

Glop it together, top with cheese, stick it back in the oven to melt and NOM!!!

They may not be pretty, but they sure are tasty!

Ok, Orange Julius I modified from several different recipes and again used what I had on hand (including a tip my old daycare lady gave me when she used to make these when I was a kid!)

Cool and delicious

1 cup Presby Punch (could also use water)
1 cup vanilla coconut milk
1/4 cup frozen orange juice concentrate
1 raw egg (only use if you trust your eggs...this is the tip from daycare, it makes it really frothy and gives it a distinct "Julius" flavor!)
10-12 ice cubes
* blend and drink!







Super Easy but Crazy Delicious Peanut butter cookies

1 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup brown sugar
dash of vanilla
1/2 tsp baking soda
3 Tb. flour
1 egg

*Mix everything together,
*Drop cookie size globs on a cookie sheet
*Lightly squish with a fork to get that pretty crosshatch look
*Bake at 350 deg for 10 minutes
*Let cool for a few minutes before removing them from the cookie sheet to allow them to set up

Perfect Peanut Butter Cookies!

So drawbacks to making your own junk food
- it takes a lot longer
- you have to do dishes when you are done
- it just isn't QUITE that same fat/sugar/salt hit that you would normally get

BUT benefits of making your own junk food
- it is freaking delicious!
- it is a LOT healthier
- it is a LOT cheaper

So I am happy that I decided to make it myself, as is my tummy, my tastebuds and my wallet :-)

Finals - aka ignore everything but books!

This is how we do breakfast finals style!  

Yes, I did take the time to cook (primarily because I was watching my last couple dollars of the month disappear too rapidly into the tills of the ever delicious but oh so spendy Mad Batter.  But as you can see, it is all set up on my little side table so that I can be planted in my study corner to write my Sociological Theory final (better known as the paper from HELL!).  

 I made a bit of Ful with what I had on hand, the last of my tupperware of white beans that I had made in the crockpot seasoned up with some garlic and herb mix, lemon pepper, and salt.  Mixed in the end of one of my jars of homemade salsa, topped with 2 eggs, and just for the hell of it a dash of the bottle of Newcastle beer I had opened to cook the chicken and greens in last night and still had some left.  Hey, it may not be suitable for drinking after being open all night but the flavor for cooking is still just fine! 

That remarkable pink liquid you see there is what we lovingly call "Presby Punch"...let me explain - we have a Presbyterian church literally on our campus and every semester the Sunday before finals begin they host a free pancake breakfast/dinner from 9pm-Midnight.  People take study breaks, go in their pajamas, and basically carb load on ridiculous amounts of pancakes and syrup while someone inevitably plays random old pop songs on the piano (we were treated to renditions of Kissed By A Rose and Don't Stop Believing...excellent background pancake music ya know!)  But the key to all of this is the Presby Punch - this magical concoction of juices that tastes like pineapple/orange/rainbows/unicorns/fairies.

I think this is actually how they make Presby Punch!

We don't know what goes into Presby Punch, we only know that it only happens twice a year and we do little happy dances when it is time.  And here is the REAL trick...if you go to breakfast at 11:30pm or so and hang out eating until 11:50pm or later they will GIVE YOU THE LEFTOVER JUGS OF JUICE!!!  That's right...they make so much that they are inevitably left with 2 dozen+ gallons of the stuff and they just pass it out to everyone.  So like the ridiculous college students we are, all of us took 2 gallons and ran into the night cackling like morons clutching our jugs of punch and we drink it like crack for all of finals week.  And that is the wonder of Presby Punch :-)

Also on the counter is a loaf of whole wheat bread rising before it goes in the oven.  Should make the place smell amazing and distract me while writing!  1 paper and 2 tests left to go and this semester will be OVER and I can focus on holiday knitting and enjoying 3 weeks utterly to myself...I am looking forward to it.