Things that make you go..........meh

Yesterday was the day of shakes that just should have been tastier.  Everything was lined up right, it all seemed so perfect!  Blendy Shake was a harvest medley of pumpkin, apples, cinnamon, yogurt, vanilla Formula 1 and spinach.  It was supposed to be happy, and comforting, and gently delicious.  Instead it was........boring, bland, chewy (from the apple skins) and kind of gritty.  Oh well, whatever...I drank it anyway and because of all the good stuff it was at least very filling.  So then I have lunch to look forward to!  It's going to be amazing!  I thawed berries overnight, yogurt, an egg, chocolate Formula 1, all Shakey Shaked up aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand.........................boring.  FYI - blender cups are great and all, but that little whisk ball definitely does not break up berries very well.  It wasn't very sweet, had almost no berry flavor, ended up just eating the berries with a spoon out of the bottom of the cup when I was done.  All around just a sad collection of smoothie misses.  Not failures because they weren't undrinkable, just a distinct and significant aftertaste of "meh".

Shakey Shake, Aloe Juice, salad

Anyway, here is a picture of what my average lunch these days looks like, about half the time sub the salad with a cup of soup.  I am really digging the aloe vera juice drinks, although I am sure I could get a much more natural product than good old OKF from the ethnic market on the way home from work, but I like the little aloe gel chunks which you can't get from the concentrate, so for now I stick with these :-) I don't know if they are actually helping my stomach or not, but I haven't had much pain or any heartburn since starting on them so let's say yes to give me an excuse to keep buying them!

All the pills, in mah face!

I guess now is a good time to show a couple of the other things I am putting in my face these days.  These are my morning pills (in my pretty little bowl I have at work...multipurpose, mornings for pills and afternoons for portioning out a snack of mixed nuts!)  Wild Salmon Oil tablets from Trader Joe's, and my multivitamin and cell enhancer from Herbalife, and a few Advil this morning for good measure

I've been told I'm quite nutty before!

And here are the nuts that I am snacking on these days.  This really tasty blend from Lebanon with peanuts, pistachios, cashews, pumpkin seeds, hazelnuts, chickpeas and almonds.  Seriously, this is why I love my neighborhood in NYC, because the grocery store caters to so many different ethnicities you can find authentic stuff from pretty much anywhere in the world on their very crowded shelves.  You can even buy a whole goat...I'm not kidding, it just hangs there in the window at the meat counter.  It is crazy and glorious and so unexpected for an American market which just makes it even better!  Anyway, I also have a bag of plain old peanuts from Trader Joe's and Roasted Almonds.  I mix them all together and it makes for an interesting (and slightly less expensive) mixed nut combo.  A handful of these with a cup of herbal tea is my standard mid-morning and/or mid-afternoon snackum these days.

All the nuts hold hands and sing Kumbaya

I also found myself in one of those sad places last night.  You know the place, where you don't really want to be out but you don't want to be home alone either but you are anyway.  Then the negative voices in your head start making up stories about why you are alone that almost always end up making you just feel like crap about yourself and oddly angry for no reason at the people you love even though it's not their fault that your inner demons are lying little bastards!  Yeah, one of those nights.  A night best for curling up and watching Youtube videos of old Tony Awards performances, so that's what I did.  And I feel better today, not at 100% yet because I let those awful voices shake me up so much, but it reminded me of how much more is out there to be passionate about, how much is real, how much I love something bigger than myself in the arts, and I am moving forward from there.  So Viva La Vie Boheme my friends!

VIVA LA VIE BOHEME!!!!

NYC and Herbalife...unexpected synchronicity!

Ok, so here goes nothing on giving this Herbalife thing a try.  Let me explain…no, there is too much…let me sum up.

1. I finished my degree in North Carolina, worked in professional summer stock in Virginia and Indiana, spent a year in Orlando, FL as a stage management apprentice at Orlando Shakespeare Theater, floated around like a gypsy for a couple of months, and then got the chance of a lifetime to finally move to NYC and I have been here a little over a month now!
   
2. I am now living in Astoria, Queens with my dog, a whole new group of friends, a job as an administrator in a hospital that I love, and Assistant Directing a show at night while trying to figure out just how big of a role theatre is going to play in my life and how to balance it with everything else going on.
3. I have gained weight…a pretty good chunk of weight.  I don’t feel wonderful (although I don’t feel awful either) but all the walking and squeezing through turnstiles and onto small subway and bus and theatre seats has really hit home how much weight I have gained and I don’t like the way it makes my life that much more difficult.
4. I am CRAZY busy! Like, leave the house at 8am return at 7pm, leave again at 7:30pm and return finally at 2am.  I have spent SO MUCH FREAKING MONEY on takeout it makes me shed a little tear at all the lost savings and travel opportunities I have pumped into Seamless in the last month and a half (For those who don’t live in NYC, Seamless is this AMAZING website that you can save your address and credit card info and order from dozens of restaurants in your area with a click of a mouse, including Sushi, Thai, Italian, Indian, Rotisserie Chicken, and Cold Stone Creamery…yeah, I didn't need to know that one).  I can literally count on one hand the number of meals I have cooked in my kitchen since I moved and it isn't good for my sensitive stomach or tender pocketbook.
5. My kitchen is miniature…as in, studio apartment style miniature with not even enough counter space for a drying rack for the dishes - You do them, you dry them, the end!  It also has a smaller sized oven and fridge, and very limited cabinet space so my standard tricks of mass bulk buying and cooking are NOT going to work here.

So with all of these crazy factors in play and a friend who has been talking about Herbalife on Facebook nonstop I decided what the hell…give it a try.  Everyone talks about how expensive it is, but honestly with the amount of money I have been spending on eating out, replacing one or two meals a day with this stuff will probably up my fruit/veggie intake and reduce the amount of money per meal I am spending – both of which are excellent things!  And anything I can prep quickly and fit into my on the go schedule (that doesn't involve tipping the delivery guy) is a plus for me right now.

So I received my package last night and ended up starting it right away, thanks to having to be back out the door in 20 minutes and having no actual food in the house.  I didn't really want to have to get delivery at the theatre, so I grabbed whatever I could in the house and blended it up with the Formula 1 Chocolate Meal Powder and ended up with a yogurt, egg, baby spinach and cinnamon shake.  Conclusion?  Rather tasty!  And surprisingly satisfying…I was at the theatre until 1am and although I brought a snack in case I needed it, I didn't get hungry until I got home at which point I had an apple, cheese stick, and 1 beer while doing post-audition emails and paperwork.  Considering that replaced what otherwise would probably have been Chinese food I would say that is a successful meal swap! 

Also, because I got home so late last night, I knew I was going to be WIPED OUT this morning (which was true…I must be psychic) so I pre-prepped my shake in my to go cup by putting in a carton of yogurt, a spoon of Greek peach jam, an egg, a big handful of spinach, 2 scoops of Vanilla Formula 1 powder, and a good sprinkle of cinnamon and sticking it in the fridge overnight.  So this morning all I had to do was add water and give it 30 seconds worth of spinning with the best stick blender EVER (it’s teal…it works

magic…it even blends greens…Cuisinart, let’s get married!) pop the straw in and I had breakfast to go even if I didn't have time for a shower.  I drank that at 8am while on the bus/train/train/bus to work and drank a mug of the herbal tea mix with some honey and I honestly didn't get hungry until around 11:30am.  At that point I had a handful of mixed nuts to tide me over, and I am going to have my real food meal for lunch – I heard rumors of curry goat over rice in the cafeteria and I am exceedingly excited!  Then tonight I will have another shake in that 20 minutes between arriving home and leaving for the theatre, and take an aloe juice with me to sip on during callbacks.

So basically here is my approach to this whole thing –

• I love myself and I am happy with myself at any size – it has taken a long time to get here, but I am focused on living my life NOW and not waiting for some magical number on a scale or on a clothing tag to give me permission to travel, eat, love, be happy, etc.  This program for me is a combination of wanting to get physically more comfortable while interacting with my environment, saving some money and saving some time in my busy schedule.
• I refuse to suffer or exist in a constant state of deprivation and martyrdom.  If I am hungry I will put food in my face!  If I choose not to do 2 shakes/1 meal one day then I damn well won’t!  I am wanting to make sure I am paying attention to my body cues, so I am not going to just down a shake in addition to a meal (hello pointless waste of money!), but if I am hungry and it is still 2 hours to lunch I will make myself that oatmeal, or eat a handful of nuts, or a piece of fruit.  I will drink my alcohol of choice in moderation (which for me is usually 1-3 craft beers or glasses of wine in a week unless I go out and then that shrinks to “in a night” :-P) and when it is time for my real food meal I am going to eat what I want and not make it all crazy steamed, sauce-on-the-side, no carb, Paleo, weighed portion diet food.  I know how to eat healthy, I make general good choices, and I will continue to do so without making that the focus of my life to the detriment of all other intelligent thought in my brain.  I live in NYC, one of the greatest food city in the world, and I am a consummate foodie and cook.  Food brings me great joy, both the preparation and appreciation of it.  I am not giving that up on the hopes that I might shrink my physical being a bit faster – at what cost to my emotional well being?
• I will focus on how my body feels through this whole process, and make sure to nurture it in the best ways possible.  Eating what I need, but not overdoing it.  Paying attention to my stomach and digestive health, bumping up my fruits and veggies, walking to and from the train more than I catch the bus, trying (trying oh so hard!) to get enough sleep, etc.  Making sure I am physically and emotionally being taken care of, and then also helping to disentangle those feelings of nurturing from being tied to food so that I can appreciate it without letting it ruin me.

That’s about it!  I honestly didn't even weight myself at the beginning of this because I don’t have a scale and don’t want one.  I know what I weighed this summer, and I expect (based on how my clothes fit) that I am slightly less than that now but I don’t have an exact number and it just doesn't matter all that much.  I want to see my clothes get looser and my breathing get less labored, I want to not have to turn sideways to sqeeeeeeeeze through a turnstile at the subway, I want to sit in a theatre seat and not be squished to the point of pain, I want to not choke on my own chest when I lean forward to tie my shoes, I want to be comfortable enough to enjoy fully the life that I am going to continue to live happily regardless!  I also am going to do my damndest to keep this blog on the experience, and anything else that comes to mind, 

Sicky sickerstein :-(

I am sick...I have fought it hard, but I think it is official. It went from a couple weeks of beautiful spring-like weather here in the mountains to rain rain rain and it brought this nasty head and throat bug with it. I have done SO GOOD at not being sick the past year! And I used to be teased by my mom for having the world's worst immune system because it seemed like I was sick constantly! But I am realizing that I was probably just a lot more eager to jump on the slightest symptoms to stay home from work when I was doing the corporate thing, and now that I am doing what I love and the stress level is so much less I am more willing to push through it and not succumb so easily to illness. In any case, I haven't been really sick much the past year so feeling this sick now is really getting me down :-(

I ate chicken soup for breakfast that I had made in December and dug out of my freezer (yes, I am still eating off the food I made over winter break!) and I brought a stash of green tea and Advil to get me through the day. Fortunately I don't have class today so I am just curled up at the front desk at work with my shawl wrapped around me, clutching my mug of tea, and trying to get some homework done.

We just launched into rehearsals for our last show of the season this week so I REALLY don't have time to be sick! Unless I am dying I can't miss rehearsal so miracle of modern medicine - do you work!! Although hopefully I should have some good news about this summer soon. I don't want to jinx it so I won't say much, but it looks like I will have some real professional theatre credits on my resume soon :-)

Welcome to 2011

So I haven't posted in a little while, not because I wasn't cooking and eating and such, but I think I was just getting a little mopey and tired of being alone in my place and didn't want my blog to turn into a massive whining session :-) But today I am back at work, I have meetings scheduled with professors this week to get ready for classes, and school starts again on Monday! I am actually super excited about this because I feel like the semester is just filled with creative stuff happening. First semester back was to kind of ease into the habit of being a full time student again, this semester is to blow the lid off!! *Insert Rocky or Karate Kid theme song here*

No pictures today, although I have been cooking. But my potato salmon chowder while delicious, is remarkably unphotogenic. I also made a smoked salmon and roasted broccoli quiche that I sliced up and froze, and a chicken enchilada casserole with beans, chicken, diced green chilies, corn tortillas, tomatos, cheese and frozen fajita veggies (sliced bell peppers and onions basically). My freezer is just about at bursting point! I am almost done using all the ingredients in the freezer, so now I am just making more room for additional stuff I need to freeze. I REALLY hope my new roommate isn't much of a freezer user for at least the first couple weeks until I start to clear stuff out (Sorry Ethan!). But on the bright side, I think I have counted somewhere between 30-40 servings of food packaged and frozen in 1-2 portion sizes and ready to keep me eating healthy and cheap for the next 5 weeks of rehearsals.

I also made a list of New Years goals - not resolutions because that term carries to much of a loaded ideal behind it that if you make a mistake you have failed and you might as well just quit. But I made a list of 11 goals I would like to strive for in 2011 to help me with my health, fitness and financial well being

11 in '11:

1. Eat out no more than 3 meals a week - Financially I can budget for this, and being realistic on my time issues this allows for some wiggle room
2. Exercise at least 3 days a week - I have made a fitness plan for the first 30 days and then can reevaluate after that
3. Write in my journal daily, even if it is just a sentence - I got this inspiration from the Own Your Beauty project, journaling makes me feel so much better throughout the day
4. Become more skilled at my tarot readings - I have been doing tarot off and on for 11 years and I find it a great meditation tool, but I want to learn more and get more intuitive
5. Attend at least 1 support group meeting a week (in person or online)
6. Create a realistic budget and stick to it - I signed up for Mint.com and created a budget and activated my savings account again. Learning to live within my means!
7. Put some money in savings every month - Even if it is $5, I want to get in the habit of saving money so I have a little cushion when unexpected things come up
8. Set up an Etsy shop for my knitting/crochet - This is one I am going to tackle later in the year. I love knitting and crocheting and I think I could find a niche with my felted bags that would make a little extra money and give me another creative outlet.
9. Wash my face every night - Form the habit for healthier skin while I am still relatively young
10. Do laundry every 2 weeks - I get busy and tend to put this off for a month since I have to take my clothes to a laundromat and then it takes me 4 hours to get EVERYTHING done.
11. Work a professional theatre summer job - My first chance to really break into my chosen profession and get a taste of what it it like. This was my plan anyway, but putting it down means I can't make excuses and work in an office instead.

I think these are realistic goals that combined will help continue to move me forward in my quest for a healthier, well rounded life. I don't like the idea of wiping the slate clean and starting from scratch every New Year. I feel like it should just be continuing to build on the foundation you have already laid. Cheers to a healthy 2011!

I am the disappearing blogger evidently!

So theatre - it Is wonderful for giving me a sense of fulfillment and joy about pursing my dreams in life. Not so great for keeping up to date on a blog!
I was assistant stage manager for a show called Romantic Fools - which was hilarious, awesome, fun and a joy to work on. A sketch comedy type of show all about the absurdities of love, romance, sex and relationships. But it also meant that between classes/work/rehearsals/shows I was spending just about every day at school from 8am-10pm. And considering this is a food blog and I was eating an inordinate amount of ramen noodles and fast food burritos, also less than thrilling for updates. But...I'm baaaaaaaaack! And will try to ramp it back up a bit, at least until the next show starts :-)

That also means I will try to start posting more pictures again...promise! In the meantime - some updates and a recipe or two.

1) Very exciting news...I got foodstamps!!! Hooray!! That means my approximately $30/month budget for groceries has been tripled...I still have to work around a budget because $120/month which is still lower than I was used to before, but with eating healthy, cooking more from scratch and going vegetarian I can definitely do it. It also means that I can go back to buying certain things that I was morally and healthfully struggling with because I couldn't afford it - things like almond/soy milk instead of dairy milk, organic cheese, organic eggs, organic produce, leave the ramen behind! Because I am not using my foodstamps to buy a ton of junk like soda, chips, cookies, cereal, etc. I can afford to spend a bit more on organic, high quality of what I do buy.
2) Also because I have food stamps now and I don't have to watch literally every single penny at the grocery store, I decided to go ahead and take the vegetarian plunge again right now. The meat still in my freezer can stay there until I want to use it for friends or my dog or something. As of Sunday I haven't had any meat and feeling damn good about it! I have decided I am not going to stress over being vegan just yet, although I have continued to drastically reduce my dairy consumption and anything I do buy I am committed to getting from organic, humane, sustainable sources. I may make the vegan transition at some point, but honestly I just don't like hummus that much and my bagel and cream cheese is an easy on the go breakfast for rushed school mornings when I don't have time to blend a smoothie!

2) One of the things I loved most when the show was over was being able to go back into my kitchen and cook for myself without feeling like I had to run back out the door in 15 minutes. The first thing I made was a batch of peanut butter cookies for the cast party...and they were successful! I made 3 dozen and they were devoured in less than an hour (with the director himself polishing off about 6 of them!) So yeah, I got to have a cookie and enjoy baking and share the rest so I don't have them sitting around tempting me all week. The second thing I made was jello shots (also for the cast party!). Ok ok, maybe not really COOKING persay - but they were even more successful than the cookies! I will let you in on the secret of the world's most amazing grown up jello shots shortly ;-)
3) On the vegetarian side of things, I made a killer pot of veggie chili on Sunday afternoon! I have been making chili for others for awhile, so I tend to stick to a pretty simple meat/beans/tomatoes recipe...but for myself I decided to PUMP IT UP! I ended up with (ready for it?) onions, garlic, bell peppers, green beans, peas, corn, zucchini, mushrooms, tomatoes, carrots black beans and kidney beans! I added in some cooked elbow macaroni to make it chili mac and topped with a little shredded cheddar and some sliced avocado. Holy YUM! Made lots too, I put 2 containers in the freezer and 1 in the fridge for lunches. I don't really use much of a recipe but here is what I did for anyone who would like to try your own variation:
* Sautee 1 onion (diced) for 1-2 minutes in olive oil until translucent.
* Add all diced fresh veggies you are using (mushrooms, bell peppers, garlic, celery, etc.) and cook until tender
* add any extra frozen veggies you have sitting around that you want to use up (green beans, corn, peas and carrots, etc.)
* add 1 large can of diced tomatoes, and 1 large can of crushed tomatoes, 1 can of black beans, 1 can of kidney beans, and 1 bottle of beer to the pot and stir everything together well
* season with chili powder, cumin, salt, red pepper and oregano (and if you are feeling CRAZY a dash of cinnamon!) to taste
* simmer for 30 minutes to allow all the flavors to combine well
* while the chili is simmering, cook a box of elbow macaroni until tender, drain and add to the
chili.
* serve with tortilla chips, avocado, and/or shredded cheese as you like!

4) Fitness! Because this blog is also about me getting HEALTHY I wanted to let you know that I have begun going to the gym...hooray! I started the week before the show and went for 30-45 minutes every day. Then the week of the show happened and I felt like I had been run over by a truck, so I decided rest and sanity were more important and took a week pause. But, rather than let that throw me off schedule, I am back again this week and feeling great!

Let me share my planned fitness program with you so I can stay accountable -
M/W/F I have 35 minutes between classes to exercise - so I will be doing the Couch to 5K running program to work myself back up to running condition (maybe I will be able to finally tackle that Disney World half marathon in 2012??). It is fairly high intensity, I can push myself, and it is done in 30 minutes plus some stretches.
A screen shot of the fabulous IPhone Couch to 5K app that I use

T/Th I have an hour between classes to exercise - so I will be doing a 15 minute cardio warmup and then 30 minutes of the Shape "Best Body" strength training workout using resistance bands, and then 15 minutes of additional abs work and stretching
Sa/Su I will pick one of the days that is the most free and do a repeat of my 1 hour T/Th cardio/strength/abs workout and one day will be purely rest.

This is a total of 4 1/2 hours of exercise a week - add in the 2-3 hours a week that I am riding my back back and forth to school and around campus and that makes 6-7 hours a week of exercise or almost an hour a day. Very doable and great for fitness and hopefully some weight loss! The other thing I like about this program is that it is doing it in decent chunks of time that I have available...I know I have a hard time going to the gym at 5pm after work when I really want to go home and get dinner and see my dog. So if I only have 1/2 hour to workout between classes but I know that I will DEFINITELY DO that 1/2 hour, that is more valuable than having an hour scheduled every evening that 50% of the time or more I don't follow through on.

Ok - enough for now! I will share the post o' jello shots soon...something to look forward to ;-)